TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONES OFF
IN DEVELOPMENT 2026
what if I told you that
soybeans contain phyto-estrogren
which inhibits testosterone uptake.
what if I told you that Meghan Markle
was pretending to have mental health issues
just to make the Queen look bad.
what if I told you that we are being slowly poisoned by our environment
and you can see it
not in graphs of air quality or microplastics
but in the shape of clouds that follow airplanes.
what if I told you
that the people who claim to care about the planet
were littering
leaving graffiti
pissing on war memorials
and what if I told you
that the men who don’t take no for an answer
can be found
not in uniform
but in the small boats
that they are putting on dresses
to assault women in bathrooms
what if I told you
what if I told you
that the BBC is heavily biased
in the opposite direction
too kind to Corbyn
unfair on Farage.
What if I told you that Ukraine is run by Nazis
and Israel by pacifists.
what if I told you that the children of Gaza
were deepfakes
but real children were in real pain
at the hands of the grooming gangs
the school boards
the vaccinators
and abortionists
that perverts were reading fucked up shit to them
dressed in drag not dog collars.
what if I told you
and I told you again
and I told you again
and I kept telling you
every day
every second I could
from the first alarm-snoozing armsreach from bed
through every cigarette and toilet break
every scrap of chip-paper
every post on mumsnet
every clip of podcast bro
every forwarded whatsapp
what if I and all of every bit of it
told you that you’re a good person
that you’re on the side of good
that goodness itself is under attack
goodness gracious
what if I told you that you have nothing to be ashamed of
what if I told you that you’re welcome here
what if I told you that you’re amongst friends
What if I told you
what if I told you
what if I told you
what if I told your friends
and I told your mum
and I told your dad
and I told your colleagues, your 5-a-side guys,
your hairdresser, your Uber driver
and they told it back to you
“it’s true its true
I saw it too”
what if I never, ever told you any different
what if I told you that anyone who tells you different
is stupid,
naive, lying,or evil.
that they have it upside down and back to front
and they’re laughing at you.
and they don’t work the hours you work
and they hate they flags you wave
and they wave the flags you hate.
and what if I told you
the grains of truth are enough to get by on
that being right is a state of mind
a skip in your step
a chair too comfy to stand up from
what if everything I told you
shuttered the windows that face all other directions
but down down down the darkest side of the hill
what if the threads of all my narratives fuse with the very arteries of you
and interweave too tight to tell apart
red wire blue wire red wire blue wire
the clock is ticking down
I don’t know what
we’re going to tell
ourselves
when it’s done.
